Do you ever feel stuck in a procrastination fog, unable to get yourself to do the thing you’ve been telling yourself that you want to do? Or, when you do get around to doing it, disappointed that it didn’t fulfill you like you wanted?
Not knowing the “why” behind our goals creates this tension in our life. We often feel lethargic and unmotivated when trying to pursue something. And when we do feel a burst of inspiration, this motivation is quickly followed by anxiety and uncertainty. Both emotional waves usually end up in the same result: disappointment and a lack of follow-through.
Why? Because we lack the clarity we need to understand how our wants align with our goals.
Sometimes we even trick ourselves into going through the motions, just because that’s how we’ve always done it. I’m too quick to say yes to things from other people, only to find myself weeks later dragging my feet and unhappy. This is what I’ve always wanted, I tell myself, even though I haven’t stopped to question what I want in years.
When we don’t know our “why” - and I mean fully and clearly understand our “why” - we invite this tension into our life.
Imagine if you were handed you a pair of sneakers right now and told to run. You’d probably want to know:
If you didn’t know the answer to these questions, you’d probably struggle to keep running–or start running at all. Even if you could say, “Well, running is good,” or “I’ve always wanted to run,” you still wouldn’t get very far. And you certainly wouldn’t enjoy it.
While this is a silly example, it speaks a lot of truth to how we pursue things in our life. We often try to start something or do something without really understanding these questions.
Most importantly, we fail to understand our “why”–but don’t worry. By discovering your “why,” you can finally step into the light about what you want and how to achieve it.
Your “why” is the reason you want something in your life to change or grow. It’s the thing propelling your goals, and it has to start from within.
You want your “why” to be so clear and powerful that it pulls you through your actions.
Something pulling you forward rather than pushing you from behind is an important distinction to make. Being pushed feels forced, resistive, and unwelcoming. Being pulled, on the other hand, feels exciting and exhilarating. Sure, you might feel vulnerable and nervous at times - but your eyes are on the future in front of you.
That’s what I want you to visualize when you think about your Why. Imagine that you’re standing on some type of skis or wheels, and you’re holding onto a rope that’s pulling you forward. Yes, you’re going to wobble. You might consider letting go. But the longer you’re pulled forward, the more confident you’ll feel.
Before you start pursuing a goal, you must determine why you want to pursue it in the first place. If you’re already doing the things you want, you have to make sure you’re crystal clear on why you want to be doing it (or if you want to in the first place). If you can’t, you should pause and identify your Why immediately.
This process of identifying your Why is personal to you. As such, nobody can come up with it for you. You’ve got to look inward and tap into the motivation that brought you to this space in the first place.
Reflect on the areas of your life that:
For each area, consider what you want–whether that is sticking with the status quo, starting something new, or changing something altogether. Maybe you want to strengthen your relationships or embark on a new physical fitness journey. Perhaps you want to feel more motivated at work or more energized by the projects you pursue at home.
Whatever that thing is, ask yourself two simple yet powerful questions:
As always, journaling about these questions will bring you the clarity you’re looking for much more quickly. Journaling will let you get out of your head and make discoveries about yourself that you would never have realized otherwise.
Once you discover your Why, you should write it somewhere extremely visible. Maybe it’s on the front cover of your journal or a sticky note on your desk. Use your Why as a daily reminder that pulls you forward through your goals.
Also, keep in mind that your Why can change as you do. We’re continuously evolving with our wants and needs, so don’t be afraid to check in with your motivation as you take on new experiences.
You won’t believe the benefits you’ll experience if you can state the “why” behind your daily pursuits. Overall, it will both energize you to keep going and calm you down.
Motivation relies on the value we put on our goals and our belief that we can accomplish them. By naming your why, you’ll never have a question for why you’re doing something. Instead, the reasons behind your goals–and how they’ll improve your life–will be a constant reminder for you to keep going. Plus, if life gets busy or stressful, you’ll always have something motivating to fall back on when you feel tired or defeated because you know how it’ll improve your life.
We all feel better when our lives have some sort of forward motion. In fact, it’s usually when we’re the most stagnant that we begin to feel the most anxious. That’s because we feel like we lack direction in life and, therefore, lack confidence in what to do. Our minds race with questions like, What am I doing? What do I want? that feed our stress levels. Naming your Why will help quiet the uncertain questions in your racing mind that are causing anxiety.
Too many of us think that being “energized” and being “calm” are opposites. That’s because we don’t have much experience feeling confident and excited about our motivation. When you know your Why, you can wake up inspired to tackle the day and go to bed feeling good about what you accomplished. Your understanding of your motivation will help you feel centered. Even if you falter, you can tap into an inner calm driven by the clarity of your decisions. Then, potential for growth can feel exciting and energizing rather than terrifying or stressful.
Are you ready to find more calm and energy in your life? Don’t waste time; pull out your journal and begin to discover your Why.
Kara McDuffee is the writer and founder of My Question Life, a community dedicated to helping you discover yourself and find the answers you’re searching for. She gives you the questions you need to become more self-aware and vulnerable in your everyday life. To read her posts or download her free eBook The Art of Being Self-Aware, check out her blog.