Introduction

There’s no doubt that the dynamic of modern relationships have changed significantly when compared to the olden times. The demands of the hectic digital world, and complex processes around our emotional, physical and mental states can make it really difficult for people to connect with each other in an authentic way. This is a big reason why many modern relationships fail or come to a halt when life gets in the way of our idea of what an ideal romantic relationship should look like. So is that it? 

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In today’s blog, we’re going to look at the growing need for self-awareness in modern relationships, and explore ways to practice it in our day-to-day lives in order to create more fulfilling relationships.

The Significance Of Self-Awareness In Modern Relationships

Turns out, while the modern world has added extra pressure on our physical and emotional well-being that ultimately impacts our relationships with others, it has also provided us with tools and techniques to become more self aware, understand our emotional triggers, and learn to heal from our past traumas that show up in our present.

In a nutshell, self awareness is the ability to be our authentic self, be deeply aware of what triggers our body to go into a fight or flight response, observe the feelings and emotions that show up in us, and find productive ways to heal ourselves. When we, as individuals, learn to take responsibility for how we react to situations that are triggering, and learn to manage them by actively practicing secure attachment, we can learn to navigate our modern relationships in an efficient and emotionally fulfilling manner. But the question is, how do we become more self aware?

5 Ways To Practice Self-Awareness In Modern Relationships

Here are five simple but effective ways to practice self-awareness in modern relationships:

Learn Ways To Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence

Exploring a varied set of opportunities, irrespective of whether or not you’re in a relationship right now can help you enhance your emotional intelligence. The best way to learn about your level of self awareness is to get to know about yourself through self-reflection and experiences. Sometimes it comes in the form of activities that promote self-awareness such as journaling. 

When you journal your thoughts and feelings, it helps you observe your feelings without judgement, reflect on your behaviour and practice mindfulness. At other times, the feeling of self awareness can be evoked by anticipating the needs of your partner, or by pursuing relationships that are non-judgemental in nature, such as seeking out a therapist or choosing male escorts for understanding how you show up in relationships.

Practice Empathy

Contrary to popular belief, empathy is a skill that can be developed through practice. Empathy is a beautiful way to connect with people on a deeper level. It is the ability to feel someone’s emotions rather than sympathize with them. When you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, metaphorically speaking, you understand their struggles, and are able to be present in a way that makes them feel seen and heard.

If you’re dating someone, or have been in a relationship for a long time, finding ways to practice empathy can help you strengthen your bond with your partner. The best way to learn more about developing empathy is to use journaling as a power tool. There are a variety of journaling videos and podcasts that you can listen to in order to tap into your empathetic side and develop the skill of connecting with people.

To practice empathy in your daily life, try being more curious about other people, give someone your full attention when they’re sharing something important to them, listen without interrupting, and don’t let your personal biases come in the way of how you think someone else should feel. Instead, ask questions that help you learn more about someone’s experiences and challenge your biases through introspection.

Recognize Your Patterns

One of the hardest things to do when we’re in a relationship is to look at our negative traits. While we’re all really quick to judge our partners for their shortcomings, and find ways to blame them for fighting too much or dismissing our feelings, we often fail to recognize the role we play in these situations. If you often find yourself bickering with your partner over the same situation, or you’ve noticed a few recurring patterns across different relationships that you’ve had in the past, it might be time to dwell deeper into what’s causing you to attract similar people, or situations and what negative patterns are holding you back.

It can be a hard thing to do at first. However, the best way to evaluate how self aware you are is to understand and be willing to work on your negative traits. There can be a variety of ways in which you can make your relationship an emotionally unsafe space for you and your partner. Some common negative relationship patterns may include blaming or criticizing your partner, withdrawing or stonewalling to avoid communication, getting defensive or dismissive when your partner brings up concerns, and/or trying to control or manipulate your partner, as well as harboring contempt for them. 

It’s important to understand that these all are examples of defense mechanisms that you most likely learned in your formative years. By learning to identify these patterns that don’t serve you any longer and self soothing yourself when triggering situations come up, you can show up as your authentic self in relationships and learn to handle conflicts more efficiently.

Use Disagreements As An Opportunity

A prominent characteristic of healthy modern relationships is the ability to not only understand our triggers, but also be willing to learn from our mistakes and consciously practice healthier behaviors. Many individuals with a regulated attachment style look at disagreements in a relationship as an opportunity to deepen their relationship with their partner, and grow as individuals at the same time. 

If you want to use disagreements in your relationship as an opportunity to become more curious and understand your partner deeply, you should engage in open and honest conversations, hold regular relationship check-ins, find compromises to common problems, brainstorm ideas together to find solutions, and keep the disagreements respectful and thoughtful. If you feel any resentment building up, focus your efforts on sorting through your feelings and challenging the negative thought processes.

Communicate Your Feelings In A Secure Way

While communicating is an essential part of a strong relationship and helps you build trust with your partner, learning to communicate in a clear and compassionate way is the only way to build a sense of security within your relationship. A secure communication is based on learning to share your concerns calmly while also listening to your partner intently.

Here are some effective ways to communicate your feelings in a secure way when talking to your partner:

• Avoid accusatory tone or words when talking to your partner. Instead start your conversation with ‘I feel’. Remember, it’s you and your partner against the problem, not each other, so work as a team to find solutions.
• Listen to understand, not respond. Make sure your partner feels seen and heard when they share a concern. Validate your partner’s feelings by showing empathy instead of dismissing their concerns as not that important.
• Communicate your boundaries early on in the relationship, and be willing to remove yourself from situations that negatively affect your emotional well-being. If someone’s actions don’t align with their words, learn to let go of the need to reiterate your boundaries and accept their actions for what they are.
• Make sure to bring up your concerns in a respectful manner, in a safe space, and at a time where you both have the capacity to be emotionally responsive. Convey your thoughts and feelings through a combination of positive verbal and non-verbal cues.

Final Thoughts 

Learning to become self aware is a journey that we all go through. Sometimes the need presents itself when we enter into a relationship. Other times, it may take us ending a relationship to truly understand ourselves. Whatever may be the case, there’s no doubt that by practicing empathy, recognizing our toxic traits, learning from our disagreements, communicating securely, and leveling up our emotional intelligence, we can form healthy and long-term attachments that help us navigate the labyrinth of modern relationships in a fulfilling way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Steven Briggs is a Content Editor who writes about topics that drive personal and professional growth. His work often focuses on practical tips for improving well-being and achieving balance in daily life.