Self-Care and Healthy Healing in Times of Grief

When you’re in the grips of depression from a loss, it’s almost impossible to think of anything else, let alone your self-care. Still, it’s important to make healthy choices during your time of grief — it’s a way to help you heal. But where to start? The following are some ideas to help you navigate a healthy healing experience to help while mourning. They won’t magically cure your grief, but they can help you prioritize taking care of yourself.

Talk about it

Discussing your loss isn’t easy. It’s hard to know the right person to confide in, especially if you don’t have a spouse or partner. People tend to avoid discussing grief for all kinds of reasons. Some worry about other people’s reactions, and some just don’t know what to say. Do you really tell someone about your deepest pain? The answer is that you should.

There are vital benefits of talking about your grief. It can help you identify exactly which emotion you’re feeling: sad, angry, overwhelmed, embarrassed, fearful, etc. Knowing precisely what it is you’re feeling can help you move through it. For example, say you’re feeling angry over the way you lost your job. Acknowledging that anger and identifying exactly where it’s coming from — maybe you were laid off and believe you should have been kept on — allows you to get it out of your system. It will probably still linger even after you’ve said it out loud, but getting it all off your chest will make you feel lighter.

Your trusted loved one may try to make you feel better, but sometimes that’s simply not what you’re looking for; you’re looking for a listening ear. Express this. Tell them you appreciate their intentions, but what you need is the space to be heard.

Journaling

If you find it too difficult to confide in another, journaling is an excellent way to get your feelings out. Studies have shown that journaling can help with grief-coping and other mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Best of all, anyone can journal. You don’t have to be a “good” writer; the point isn’t to get published, it’s to express yourself however you like.

Journaling can take many forms. Some like to convey their thoughts on their laptop or PC while others prefer to write by hand. Some want to keep their journal completely private, and others want to share through a blog. There is no right or wrong way to journal; it can take exactly the form you want it to.

You may hesitate to journal because you think the words themselves have to look a certain way, but that’s simply not true. Write whatever you want in whatever structure you want. It can be a stream of consciousness (writing down all your thoughts in one continuous flow), traditional paragraph form, poems, songs, letters — the possibilities are endless. You can even grab your journal and write a single word representing what you’re thinking or feeling at that moment. That’s part of the beauty of journaling: each person’s journal will be unique to them.

Spend more time outdoors

Chances are, you’re not spending enough time outside. In fact, according to Florida Health, the average American spends nearly 93% of their time indoors. Even if you don’t consider yourself an “outdoor person,” you can still reap the benefits of spending time in nature. Study after study has shown that increasing the amount of time you spend outdoors can help ease symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Other benefits include:

• Higher levels of creativity and concentration
• Relaxation (within five minutes of being outside!)
• Reduced stress
• Reduced anger
• A rise in vitamin D, known to help battle depression
• Lower levels of cortisone, the stress hormone

In the claws of grief, it’s hard to make yourself do just about anything. Making yourself go outside may feel like a major task that you’re just not up to. The key is to start small. Take a walk around the block each day, then increase to a couple of blocks. Or, if you prefer, simply time your walks. Perhaps start with 15 minutes each day, then increase to 30 and so on. It’s important to note that you aren’t obligated to increase increments on any certain timeline, and if you’re only up to that walk around the block, that’s OK. Go at your own pace.

Reconnect with old friends

Perhaps the worst part of grieving is the loneliness you feel even when you’re surrounded by people. Don’t be deterred from interacting. Being social is necessary. When it comes to people you know, you should be open to them expressing their empathy and condolences. Remember, they may be grieving themselves. Being open to these interactions can create a special connection, even if it’s only for a moment.

When it comes to people you don’t know, you have the opportunity to meet others who don’t know about the cause of your grief. Sometimes that’s refreshing. You’re in total control of who knows what and you don’t have to share any more than you want to. A new friend can add joy to your life and could even become a confidant. Don’t be afraid to open yourself up to new relationships in your time of need.

Better yet, reconnect. Reach out to old friends you haven’t spoken to in a while. It could be an old Army comrade or even a former classmate. Sometimes, however, the issue is actually finding these friends. People move, change their phone numbers, and just fall out of touch in general. It can be incredibly difficult to track people down, particularly if you’re not on social media like Facebook. Still, the internet is your friend. There are search engines that let you look for fellow high school graduates from Boston and the surrounding area. All you have to do is type in a name and graduation date.

Find fun ways to blow off steam

As if your grief isn’t enough, life in general continually brings stress. Tension and anxiety build up and threaten to explode. You can only take so much. It’s vital you find ways to blow off steam — the more fun, the better. WomanPulse suggests activities like dancing and painting.

Other ideas include:

• Exercising
• Venting to a friend
• Singing
• Playing and acting silly with your kids
• Playing with a pet

The main point is to do something you enjoy that will help you let go of your stress. It could be as simple as watching a couple of episodes of your favorite TV show or playing a computer game. Maybe you find cooking or cleaning cathartic. Do whatever brings you peace and settles your mind and body.

Don’t let your grief take over your life. Push through the darkness and take steps to keep ongoing. Embrace these techniques to help you on your journey and hopefully alleviate some of your pain.

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