Combating Cancer Fears with A Notebook and Pen

 By Dana Stewart      

 Many people are diagnosed with cancer every year, every month and every day.  Unfortunately for me, I was one of those people.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 32 years old.  That was 6 ½ years ago.  The diagnosis and treatment were the hard part.  The aftermath and trying to live as a cancer survivor is the hardest part.  I am still trying to figure it out.  There is no how-to book on how to live after cancer.  Trust me, I have searched for it.  In the meantime, I am working on living everyday with the anxiety and fears that ride along on the back of a cancer diagnosis.  With them, they also brought along a diagnosis of PTSD.  I didn’t realize PTSD was possible for someone who didn’t go to war or something like that.  Yes, I was naïve with these types of things.  Regardless, the anxiety, the fears, and the PTSD like to follow me everywhere I go.  So, how to combat them and keep them at bay?  Here’s what I learned….

            Immediately after my diagnosis (well, after I calmed down a bit and dried my tear-stained eyes) I found a notebook and began to write.  It wasn’t exactly full on journaling at that point but more a process of just getting my thoughts together.  What am I going to do?  How am I going to kick this cancer’s you-know-what, etc.  I wrote down my thoughts daily about everything from the doctor visits to discussions of treatment.  I wrote about my fears and the what-ifs that kept passing through my mind.  I wrote, I wrote and I wrote.  I took that notebook with me everywhere.  I started posting in pictures of good times I had had with family and friends.  I added in pictures of sunsets I had seen and places I loved.  I called that section of the notebook “Why I Am Doing This” which was about why I was going to fight that cancer, go through those horrible surgeries, and sit in that chemotherapy chair for 3 months.  I needed to visually see my life on paper and carry it with me so I could turn to it when the pain was unbearable and the fears were too strong.

            I found out then that journaling could save me.  That paper was there during treatment and it is still there today.  It never judges me or my words.  It doesn’t critique my thoughts and feelings.  It just sits and absorbs word after word.  I look at it as a safe way to clear my mind from all my worries and fears.  If I can get those thoughts out on paper then they don’t sit and percolate in my mind, giving my fears power and raising my stress levels.  Journaling is my saving grace, if you will.  It’s my go to therapy.  Sometimes I just write a few sentences or thoughts down.  I don’t always have to write a novel about my day or an event.  The notebook is my safe space.  It is my comfort zone, my peace of mind and my place just for me.  A notebook, some paper and pens are the weapons I take to combat when anxiety, fears and the PTSD show up to fight.  When I get my thoughts out there on that paper – I win.

About

Dana Stewart is a 6 ½ year Breast Cancer survivor having been diagnosed when she was 32 years old.  She is founder of the cancer survivorship website – The Dragonfly Angel Society – Cancer Survivorship, that pulls together resources all into one location to help survivors find their path after active treatment is complete.  She is also the Illinois State Leader for Young Survival Coalition, focusing on helping young adult breast cancer survivors find local support.  You can find more information on Dana at www.dragonflyangelsociety.com