We like to think of ourselves as compassionate, caring people, but we are all guilty of thinking or saying things that don’t reflect these values from time to time.
We complain about a friend whose busy work schedule causes her to break plans regularly, we get frustrated with a co-worker whose medical appointments take him away from the office at inconvenient times, we snap at our spouses when they forget to put gas in the car after running the kids around to practices all weekend.
Set aside a few minutes of journal writing therapy time to focus on compassion in your everyday life. Consider how your words and actions can make a difference in small and tangible ways.
A Compassionate Journaling Exercise
1. Brainstorm a list of 10 situations involving other people that cause you frustration, anxiety, irritation or other negative emotions. For example:
• I get annoyed and impatient when I spend time with my parents and they are resistant to change, especially any new forms of technology.
• My best friend is smart and talented but terrible at managing his finances. He goes through frequent “dry spells” with money, where he has to pass on plans because he can’t afford what we’re doing.
• My boss has a habit of over-explaining tasks and projects so she’s sure we understand everything, and it drives me crazy.
2. For each item on your list, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand why he or she acts a certain way. What about his personality or communication style is different from your own? What about her background or history might be influencing her behavior? Do you think you are interpreting his actions in a different way than he intends them to be perceived?
3. Imagine how your most compassionate and empathetic self would react to each of these scenarios. Describe each one briefly in your journal. For example:
• I realize that my parents are of a different generation, and it takes them longer to become comfortable with new technology. Sometimes they don’t see a need to adopt the latest gadget, and that’s OK. Sometimes they need more time and more help becoming familiar with something before they feel comfortable with it. I can ask if they need assistance setting up their new computer or explaining how new features work, and I can cut them slack if they don’t do everything my way or at my pace.
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