When have you ever had to deal with disappointment? It’s something none of us escape. Disappointing moments range from discovering the restaurant you chose for lunch is closed today all the way to being turned down for a loan or rejected by a lover.
There’s a huge difference between little and big disappointments, and this post is about the big ones. But it’s also true that if you get good at handling little disappointments, the big ones will be easier, too.
In my experience, there have been times when disappointment is so hard to accept that I simply deny it. I think, I’m not disappointed, I’m still going to get what I want, it’s just going to take longer. And then I continue pushing against the brick wall, deluding only myself and ending up with nothing more than a headache.
And a heartache. Which is the hardest part, right? Knowing in your heart that you’re not going to win in this specific case, you’re going to have to take some other path despite all your hopes and plans. It hurts, physically as well as psychically.
Like loss and grief, disappointment takes time to heal. There’s really no rushing it. The disappointment of being laid off after years of faithful labor, of a failed marriage, of an election in which your candidate loses – these experiences are catastrophic for the individual. At first, recovery seems impossible. Only time leads us eventually to a new day and renewed hope.
Time, that is, and journaling. Your disappointment will remain robust long after your friends and family have heard all your sob stories. Besides, there are probably levels of your feelings that are too intimate and personal to share with anyone out loud. Whatever caused your frustration to begin with triggered primitive responses which only you can sort out, in dialogue with your journal.
First, of course, you have to vent. You have to cry and curse the powers that brought this disappointment to you, and blast all the hairy details that anguish you. You might even continue this harangue for some time. At least, don’t stifle the urge if it’s strong. At some point, though, you’ll feel a little less compelled to go there again.
Second, you build back your strength and positive outlook. You journal about You, talk to your Inner Coach, use helpful prompts to explore your inner wealth. Eventually, you realize it’s been a whole day and you did not obsess even once about the Big Disappointment (the Big D).
Thirdly – and this is a long time later – you return to those pages full of angst and review again your Big D. Perhaps make a new two-column page, with all the good things that resulted from the experience on one side and all the negative things on the other side.
If it’s long enough afterwards, you may even realize that there aren’t any negatives, in fact; just a single list of experiences that, one by one, have built your character. Write about that character, and about how much you love him or her.
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To mark our seasonal focus on self-healing at CreateWriteNow, I’ve just published the brand new Journal Through Your Grief: 7 Days to Heart Healing Happiness. Download your free sample chapter here!
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