3 Easy Tips to Cultivate Self Compassion

Guest Blog Post By Sarah Stevenson

It's hard to even walk out your front door nowadays without hearing about the positive benefits of self-esteem. If you don't have it, good luck being a success in anything right? Not necessarily. You might feel like you can take over the world, but new research shows that an intent focus on self-esteem might lead to a personality poisoned with narcissism (1). Furthermore, telling yourself you're perfect can really fall apart once you consider one undeniable fact: humans aren't perfect. So take a cue from a growing school of psychologists who espouse a better predictor for success in an individual: self-compassion (2).

People who have self-compassion are less critical of themselves and others. They possess a certain resiliency by bouncing back more quickly from life's disappointments and they tend to have an unwavering sense of self-worth. If you're looking for these characteristics, here are 3 easy ways to get them:

Is this an act of love toward myself? Before you make any move ask yourself this question. You will be amazed how differently you move through your day. It can be applied to something as simple as needing to go to the bathroom. Do you hold it because you're late for that big meeting, or do you take a few moments out to relieve yourself? The act of love toward your bladder would be the first of course. When you make decisions as simple as this, you will quickly start to notice your levels of happiness increase.

Meditate. There's a Tibetan Buddhist meditation called Tonglin. All it requires are your mind and your lungs. Begin by focusing on your breath; lengthen your inhales and exhales. Now bring to mind a group of people, a person or animal that suffers from stress, anger or sadness (any negative emotion will do). On your inhale breath in the desire to relieve them of their burden. On your exhale, breathe that desire out into the universe. This brings about a more altruistic, compassionate way of being. When we become aware of other's misfortunes and we bring to mind a desire to help them, we not only become more compassionate toward others, we also become more compassionate toward ourselves (3).

Give yourself a hug. How do people physically show you they care? Usually, hugs and kisses play some part. Every morning when I get out of the shower I lay my towel down on the floor and give myself a quick massage with my favorite lavender vanilla lotion. While I'm doing this, I also take the time to send love and gratitude to all the parts that make me a whole person. It's good for my body, mind and soul. By this act of self-kindness, I'm entering into my day with conscious appreciation of everything I have.

The Stuart Smiley approach of looking in the mirror for 5 minutes a day to convince yourself that "you're good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you" doesn't ensure that success is your birthright. Give yourself the grace to be human and give others the respect and care they deserve. You will find that happiness and fulfillment are just around the corner.

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Sarah Stevenson, a.k.a. The Tini Yogini, is a Certified Yoga Instructor in Southern California. She has a degree in Behavioral Psychology and teaches not only yoga classes but also life affirming workshops. She also writes for http://www.beachbody.com, which provides effective home fitness dvds for all fitness levels including advanced elite training such the Asylum Volume 2 workout.

Sources:

1. Roy f. Baumeister, Jennifer D. Campbell, Joachim I. Krueger, Kathleen D. Vohs. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest May 2003 vol. 4 no. 1 1-44

2. Juliana G. Breines, Serena Chen. Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin September 1, 2012 38: 1133-1143

3. Kay Koppedrayer. Reading Pema Chodron. Contemporary Buddhism. Vol. 3, Iss. 1, 2002