Guest Blog Post by Maggie Jeffery
Sometimes it’s those little mistakes in life that open doorways for us. This happened some years ago when by I pulled two books from the shelf by mistake instead of just the one I wanted. The other book was ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron.
It was one of those difficult times in life when challenges were piling up and I was feeling lost, deeply bereaved and all at sea. After years of looking after my ailing father who I loved beyond words, he had died. We had just uprooted and moved to another community and soon after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and another family member became ill. On top of all this because caring for dad had been a full time job I found myself suddenly out on a limb as far as returning to my old career was concerned. All the known routines and roles vanished with his death and I struggled to find a sense of structure and meaning in life any more.
As I looked at the two books in my hand, my attention was drawn to ‘The Artist’s Way and I opened it up at random. To my amazement, the heading of the chapter on the page was called, “Recovering a Sense of Identity”. Stunned I sat down and began to read. That day was the start of my relationship with the ‘Morning Pages’ that Julia Cameron describes in this book.
At the time, it didn’t quite sink in that I’d been thrown a lifeline. Yet the more I thought about it, the more interested I became. I’d kept a journal off and on since the 70’s. It had sort of evolved from a diary, becoming more of an account of those days as the children grew up. But the description of ‘Morning Pages’ sounded different and I wondered how I could make that daily commitment to myself. It was a big step given my low energy levels and lack of motivation at that time.
Yet somehow I did get my act together and, although I can’t explain how or why, slowly and imperceptibly a sort of magic began to happen. Change took a little time and I must admit, at first I struggled to stay on board. My grief would surface and tears would blind me as I tried to write, yet the words kept flowing and it didn’t matter that I repeated myself as I filled those waiting, listening empty pages.
Gradually I began to notice the little things that formed part of each day. Prior to that I’d been frozen and had moved through each moment like a robot on a treadmill, numb and not feeling much, blind to my own pain. Now I started to look around again and come back to life – unfreeze - although it wasn’t comfortable or easy, I kept writing almost stubbornly morning after morning after morning through the days and weeks that followed.
Was it the self imposed discipline of writing each day that put me together again? I certainly had to look within to discover the will to keep going. Writing each day gave me structure and purpose and became a habit, a pattern, when I awoke. It also led to a certain awareness, a way of taking one moment at a time and experiencing it fully, which I think was healing in itself. Maybe it was this combination of awareness and routine that led me to the healing and nourishment inherent in the daily small changes in the natural world around me. It was as though those feelings frozen deep in my body began to thaw as they formed into words on the page. Slowly I began to have more energy. My body felt lighter. It truly felt that page by page I was shedding a heavy load.
Morning Pages are still part of my life. I wouldn’t do without them. They keep me on track, nourish my creativity and wellbeing and deepen the joy that day brings.
About Maggie
A back injury ended Maggie’s nursing career and opened doorways to self healing through creativity and inner work. She retrained in astrological psychology and person centred counselling and now coaches creative wellbeing. Maggie lives in the west of England with her family and is active in the community promoting green issues and whole health. She loves books, poetry and writing and also talks to her chickens quite a lot ……..
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