Personal Journaling Creates Easy Outcomes to Difficult Conversations

In our day-to-day life, conflicts or disagreements arise. To prevent small problems from becoming major issues, we have to initiate conflict management conversations that we’d prefer to forget about or at least avoid! Perhaps you need to talk to an employee about a less-than-stellar performance at work or you need to remind your brother about the loan he hasn’t been repaying recently.

If you are like many people, conflict management is probably not your favorite activity, but personal journaling before you start a difficult conversation can help you sort out your emotions, organize your thoughts, anticipate any awkward moments and have a plan to deal with them.

Journal Writing for Conflict Management

1. Open your journal to a blank page and describe the problem in specific detail. Who is involved? How is it affecting your work or personal life? Why are you concerned about it as a short-term or long-term problem? Be as honest as possible. For example:

Someone I manage at work is constantly bringing her personal issues into the office. If she is fighting with her boyfriend, she comes in late, disappears for long periods of time on her cell phone and has emotional breakdowns during the workday. I have sympathy for her, but it’s affecting her work performance and the office environment as a whole.

2. Imagine how you will address this problem. What do you want to communicate with the person involved? How do you think he or she would respond best? What outcomes do you want to see after your conversation? What do you want to avoid? Is there anything about the situation that worries you or causes you stress? For example:

I want to take her aside and talk to her alone so she doesn’t feel embarrassed. I want to emphasize that she’s a good employee and valued in the office, but it’s a distraction when her personal problems are a focus at work. I would like to have an open conversation about what we can do to make this situation better, but I am afraid that she will be defensive or angry, and that will make it worse.

3. Write out a sample script of how this conversation would unfold. What would you say? What would he or she say? Use personal journaling as your test run for the real-life discussion. For example:

Me: Anita, I wanted to talk with you about something I’ve been noticing at work. You seem to be distracted by some personal concerns during the workday, and they may be having an impact on your work…

Your Turn

Have you ever considered using personal journaling to help you create compassionate confrontations? Please give us your tips, tricks and techniques. Your name will go into our May 31 drawing for a Free eBook!