Journal writing helps us see how we cause our own suffering and how we can create our own happiness. It’s so easy to feel victimized and sorry for yourself, because life can be shockingly difficult, don’t we all know? With a solid journaling habit, though, we come to grips with our personal power to change and shape experience for the better.
Nonetheless, outside circumstances – and especially other people – often seem to interfere with peace of mind. You are calm and feeling fine, for instance, when someone else’s need, or attitude, speech or actions burst your bubble, invading your space, disturbing your equilibrium.
Maybe it’s an abusive spouse or boss, a critical peer, a nosey or irresponsible relative. Or, if it’s been a long time since you paid attention, it could be most of the people you’re in contact with. Your circle of friends, your choice of partner, your colleagues at work may generally be a certain type that drags you down.
If you want to work yourself out of a negative relationship – whether it’s an individual or a community of people – try journaling around these topics for a week.
Wednesday: What’s the Picture?
Write about the toxic relationship.
- What exactly is going on? Describe the details.
- Include a section about why and how you got into the relationship to begin with.
- Make a doodle of you and the other person or persons.
Thursday: What are my options?
Take several deep breaths and commit to being sincerely true to yourself. Then take up your journal and ask:
- What causes me to stay in this unhealthy relationship and not simply leave?
- What benefits do I get by continuing with this person or persons?
- What benefits do I imagine I would get if I left the relationship?
Friday: What are my fears?
Repeat the deep breathing bit and re-commit to the truth (the result is so much more fun that way, don’t you think?). Then start journaling.
- What is the worst that could happen if I separate from this toxic liaison?
- What's the worst that could happen if I do not make a change?
Saturday: Adventures in freedom.
Let your mind wander, exploring possibilities for making your dreams come true. In your journal, write:
- Three very small things I could do right now to begin the first steps towards disengaging from this negative situation.
- One of those three things that I will do first, when I will do it, and the fine details about how I will carry it out.
Sunday: Loving kindness.
Even though you are convinced that separating from this negative influence in your life is necessary for you, it will help to do the split with compassion. This way, you avoid recriminations, guilt, and misunderstandings. In your journal:
- Make a list of every positive quality you can possibly think of, that the other person possesses.
- Compose a blessing for them. This may be ridiculously hard to do if your toxic tie has been with someone truly abusive. Force yourself. Don’t be fake; just give whatever you can find to give. You’ll be glad you did.
Monday: Get serious.
Saturday, you made a small plan. Today, make the big one. Ask your journal:
- What is the series of steps I will take to separate from this unhealthy relationship?
- What are the steps I will take to fill the void that separation will bring?
As you begin to carry out your intentions, describe the experiences in your journal.
Tuesday: Glowing Good Health.
Begin to focus on healthy relationships. Devote some journaling time to the people who give you energy instead of leeching it away.
- Where do such positive relationships exist in your life?
- With whom?
- What are they like?
- What is your image of a perfect friendship, or lover or coworker or mother or … ?
Look over the past week’s journal entries. What has changed since you started?
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