by Claire de Boer
I used to be a fiction writer, until I stumbled quite by accident into writing my personal story for a magazine. I went from hiding behind the narratives of my characters, to being compelled to reveal my truth in the most raw and vulnerable way.
Every part of me resisted. Questions roared through my head, such as, "What if people don’t like me once they know who I really am?" "What if people judge me?" And worst still, "What if no one cares about my story?"
There are many giants to slay when it comes to writing our personal stories. We fear judgment; we fear being really seen; but most of all, we fear that no one will care about the truth of our story.
I believe writing your story is one of the most vulnerable things you can do.
It’s also one of the most courageous.
Why write your story?
When I found the courage to write my story for that magazine, every fear that came with it was slayed on publication. The reactions from readers were like a balm to my soul. My "coming out" about my journey with depression not only inspired others, but also helped them to talk about their own similar story.
I found that instead of judgment there was acceptance. Instead of my story being invisible, I felt truly seen.
And since then, I’ve noticed that the stories we seem to connect with most online are the personal stories of people overcoming a challenge.
Revealing our true selves via our writing connects us in a way that doesn’t happen in casual conversation.
There’s another reason why I believe it’s important for everyone to write his or her story: it’s healing.
Whether you’ve faced major trauma or general everyday challenges, working through them in a journal or through writing memoir is one of the most powerful ways you can leave the past behind and live a more abundant life in the here and now.
How to write your story
The hardest part about writing your story is knowing where to begin.
I would caution against launching directly into writing memoir. Firstly because the process can be painful and you need to go easy on yourself, and secondly because you need to figure out why your story matters and what the over-arching narrative thread is that pulls it all together.
Begin with writing in a journal. Draw upon as many memories as possible and try to piece them together. It’s helpful to use your senses to do this. What are some of your favorite smells, sights, sounds? Think back to when you first became familiar with them and try to recall everything you can about the memory.
Here are some guidelines to help you get started:
- Go to an arts and craft store and pick up a journal. Let it be something that draws your eye—your story deserves a beautiful place to be written.
- Start anywhere—no need to start at the beginning. Just write and see what comes up.
- Write your story for yourself without worrying about prose or what people think. All spelling mistakes and grammar errors allowed!
- Tell yourself the truth.
- If reliving emotions from the past is too painful, enlist the help of a counselor, or write your story in community.
- Be gentle with yourself. Write when the words come; don’t force them.
- Believe in yourself and the importance of your words. Someone out there needs to hear your story through your voice.
Stories unite us—every one of them is worth telling. Don’t make the mistake I did of locking your story away in the back closet of your mind until it finally bursts out of you. Your story matters. Now is the time to tell it.
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Claire de Boer is a writer, teacher and visionary with a passion for stories and a strong belief in their power to connect us. She writes, mentors and teaches online workshops at www.thegiftofwriting.com, where you can also download her free eBook, “Soul Writing: Why Writing Your Story Could Be The Most Important Thing You Ever Do.”
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