In 2003, after years of dreaming about it, I changed my life by embarking on a solo adventure from Australia to Canada with the intention of moving countries permanently.
I was newly single after 11 years in a relationship in which emotional contemplation, adventure, travel, excitement, optimism, and unlimited possibilities were not common, and I was ready to experience all of these things… and more.
It was the first time I had travelled alone and to say I was scared on embarkation day would be an understatement!
Sitting on the plane feeling the engines warm up, watching the ground crew out of the window, and listening as the flight attendants settle passengers in their seats, I wished to settle my own racing heart and flip-flopping stomach. I pulled out the spiral-bound-hard-cover notebook I had purchased for the trip and the inscribed silver Parker pen that had been a going away gift from a friend.
“The journey is everything.” The inscription read. I sure hoped so.
The cool weight of the pen resting against my skin drew my attention and muted the flutter of panic in my heart just enough that I was able to take a deep, deep breath and…begin.
I wrote:
“I did it! I am on the plane, waiting for my adventure to begin. From here on out there will be no picking up the phone when I feel scared, no more relying on others for immediate support, from this point forward it is just you and me.
Wow.
You and me.”
I paused…“You and me.”
Those words evoked in me a sense of calm. I felt grounded, sturdier, and safer. I felt that for the first time in a very long time, it was me and…ME.
Me alone, choosing my direction, choosing my life.
At the same moment I felt a wash of new understanding. It always was – me alone, choosing my direction, choosing my life. Even when my choices were not the greatest!
I didn’t have to worry about leaving my best friends behind, I didn’t have to worry about being alone, I never really was alone, and my best friend was always with me. My best friend was always ME.
And now I had a mode of communication that did not render me worthy of a straightjacket (do they still use those?) because…
I had a journal!
Since that day I have filled many bound journals and many word documents full of my thoughts, dreams, hopes, emotions, adventures, joys, fears, heartbreaks, many new firsts, and an exploration into my own psyche.
I discovered I am a great friend to have! The best friend I could have in fact. Not only do I have enormously helpful advice, but I found that I know me and love me better than anyone else would…or could.
There are days we don’t talk, when life gets too busy or too exciting to pause, but we always find each other again, and whether we are talking physically on the computer or in a journal or not, my best friend is always there riding the experience with me.
Of course, I still have great friends – the best of friends even – in whom I confide and with whom I delve into life’s mysteries. I love and appreciate those friends so much. And while I have really great friends who are equally great listeners, even the best of friends eventually have to get back to their own lives!
Journaling helped me recognize that I was born with a built-in buddy, a wise and insightful friend, a guide, a mentor, a cheerleader, an ‘always-with-me’ family member, and I never need feel alone.
I discovered I was my own best friend.
Writing in my journal also unleashed a passion for writing that had been flowing through my system since I was a child and had never been given free rein… but that’s another story!
###
Ali Jayne currently lives in beautiful British Columbia, Canada, and is a writer, blogger, editor, philosopher, eternal optimist, believer of possibilities, and expectant mother through Adoption (pre-adoption stage). Adoption is the current centerpiece for her blog, which can be found at: http://alijayne.com. You can also connect with Ali on Twitter: @alijayne_com or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ali.jayne.39.
Leave Comment